Desi In Toronto

Here’s my baby singing Celin Dion’s famous song. Yes, I do wish it was some other song but what the heck. Music is music!

Sometimes I think it’s too early to go into deep conversations with Rhea. She is still too young to comprehend irony, sarcasm and “what if…” scenarios. Which is why when the other day as we were driving past a cemetery and she asked “papa and mama, can I ask a question? I know that Christians and Muslims bury their dead. What do Hindus do?”

I knew right away that this conversation is going to places where we all would get very uncomfortable. I could have easily ended it with some nonchalant answer about this or that but I disagree with that kind of thought. So, I decided to take the plunge.

“Rhea, in Hinduism we cremate the dead”

To which she asks : “What’s cremation?”

There was no way getting around this – “Rhea, that’s when the dead body is laid out on wood and set on fire.”

The next few moments were crucial cause I could see that the information was sinking in and I knew what her next question would be…so I pre-empted it.

“Don’t be scared baby, the person is dead and does not feel a thing.”

This message took a little while to explain cause she had difficulty in comprehending that the person is gone and all that’s left is just the body. So the conversation went to what happens to the person after death. My reply was straightforward : “Nothing baby, when the person dies there is no “after”.”

This did not settle well with her and my wife told her about souls. Thankfully she started with “Some people believe……” And I tried to expand on the conversation but we could see it’s not making sense to her at all. And we left the conversation pending.

And I did not help matters when she asked me what was going to happen to me when I die. I should have just given her sound bites instead of saying “baby, after my organs are donated to people who need them, I will be cremated too.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR ORGANS WILL BE REMOVED FROM YOUR BODY??? YOU ARE FREAKING ME OUT”

Oh boy, took me forever to calm her down!

This happened a few weeks ago and in the meanwhile, she caught Harry Potter bug. She has watched the first two movies and has been insisting I get the book for her. We have been discussing the movie in detail including the deaths in the movies. I think she is a little more receptive to a broader discussion and I will be using the movie heavily for examples.

Thanks Ms. Rowling

This is the note that my daughter had left for me on my iPod.

“To papa I just what to say happy father’s day to you I love you so much that happy father’s day from’rhea
psYou are cutie.”

I have read this 20 times already and it still makes me feel all gooey and a little tearful.

My daughter called me yesterday and I was surprised to hear her voice at 2pm. She should have been in school! Turns out that she was pushed by a student (who is mentally challenged) and she got a bruise on her head.

As Rhea was narrating me the story, I felt a pit in my stomach and my first inclination was to abandon my work and reach her as soon as possible. But my next thought was “no”. She is a strong independent girl and she will handle it herself. And by all accounts (the way she was talking to me and at the same time telling me of the new J. Bieber song she was listening to) she seemed fine. Then what in the world was she doing at my in-laws house in the middle of the day?

Turns out that the school had called my in-laws (who live very near my daughter’s school) and they immediately went and picked her up. For a few moments I was REALLY angry with my mother-in-law. But then I realised they are just being grandparents. So I let it go.

Reason number 234 why I want to be working nearer to home and not 1 hour away.

Watching Rhea grow up is amazing. Here are some of things she has done that make me immensely proud of her.

Her favourite book these days is Rise And Shine Bunny. In the book a bunny rabbit wants to sleep late on a holiday and his mother allows him and goes to another room with the other kids.

At the end of the book the bunny rabbit realizes his mistake and apologises to his mom and his brothers at the dinning table. At this point Rhea stopped from reading and asked “papa, where is the father?”

“what do you mean?”

She said “how can mommy bunny take care of 4 children? Why is the father bunny not there to help? He must be a meany father”. And she continued the conversation in this line asking that on each picture in the book there was no father and the mommy was soing work lile making food and doing the laundary.

I was amazed at the perception by a 6 year old about the work involved in raising kids and the fact one of parents was missing.

My daughter is into listening heartbeats quite a lot these days. This is the conversation I had with her recently as I come out of the shower :

Rhea : “Papa, I want to hear your heart beat”

Me : “Sure, Rhea. “

She places her hand on the left side of the chest. Trying to correct her, I said “no Rhea, place your hand a little towards the center”

Rhea : “You mean between your two boogies”!!

LOL!!! Things that kids pick up from god knows where……

You are 2 years old today. It was exactly at 8.58 am on a Saturday morning in 2003 that you arrived in our lives. It is such a cliche to say “….your life will not be the same after a baby….” but it is SO TRUE. Our lives have been enriched with your presence and each day since 16th August 2003has been an adventure on it’s own.

We remember the first time you sat up and looked at us as if saying “what an amazing trick I have learned!!”

We remember the first time you stood up and promptly fell down on your bum and did it again, and again, and again, and again….

We remember the first time you walked (with the baby walker) and crashed into a pillar in the basement and fell over. I have it on tape so feel freeto use it when you want us committed to a home.

We remember your first faltering steps as if you were walking on stilts.

We remember your first word. It was SHOE. You pronounced it as SHOOOOOO.

Now you are a toddler…which means that you can throw a toy further than you used to.

It also means the cute way you used to kick a ball around in the kitchen is no longer cute when the ball you kick lands on the counter top while yourmom cooks!!

It used to be easy taking you to the park where you would stay strapped in the swing but now you run headlong down the slides as if safe hands will materialise and save you. I have lost count of the number of times you havescrapped your knees or landed on your face in the sand.

It used to be easy to take you for walks but now you insist on pushing the stroller or the wagon on your own and drive it into a ditch.

It used to be cute when you would get pissed off, now you hit us.

Your mom and I try not to scold you but sometimes you just infuriate us to no end. Your eating habits. Don’t get me started on your eating habit!! It takes, on an average, 45 minutes to feed you a bowl!! And for that 45 minutes we have to endure Dora, Shah Rukh Khan and the like. The mind numbing boredom that we feel saps out all the energy we have left at the end of a day. So when, at this point, you spit out your food, I am usually readyto tear my hair.

Whenever you are upset, you cry and run away from us like your world has fallen apart. You usually run to your designated “time-out” place which is the at the bottom of the stairs and you stay there until I or your mom come and get you.

You love to be outdoors. It is a treat to watch you play outside. Whenever you are in a bad mood taking you outdoors cures you instantly. Whenever we want to take your mind off something, going outside usually does the trick. The neighbour’s love to watch you play outside as well. They always thinkyou are the perfect happy child!!

Whenever I think of you while working at my office, I cannot help but smile even though you woke us at 4am the same day.

Your quick smile, your giggle, your way of tickling us, your way of kissing us, your way of teaching us from your book, your way of thrusting your hand on our lips and not removing it until we kiss it, your anger, your tantrums, your love for yogurt, your love for chicken slices, your love for Dora thatkeeps us wondering how empty our lives would have been without you.

Happy birthday, my love.

Papa.

I have been working on a project over the wekend and it was probably the first time that I have stayed away from you for over 24 hours. And the seperation anxiety I felt was nothing that I have ever felt before. The whole day at work I kept thinking of you. When I came home your mom had already told me about this cute thing that you have started and when I saw you do it I just wanted to kiss you for a long, long time.

There you were sitting with your new toy, a baby cot. You had the baby doll in it and you were putting baby blankets on her. You were looking so adorable doing it carefully and making sure that the blanket was not dnagling out of the cot. I shouted out loud “Rhea!!!” and you looked and me and put your finger to you r mouth and did a loud SHHHHH!!!! Your mom and I were in splits!!

I know baby, I know. I have been neglecting this blog for sometime now. I am sorry but the last month or so have been excruciatingly busy. Anyway, onto the journal…..

Let me describe the evening I spent with you yesterday. I come home by 5.15pm and after giving you a kiss….which you think is a major invasion of your privacy and you defend yourself with all your might….I ask you if you want to take a bath. The mere mention of a bath (in your language it’s called naeenaee) threw you in a euphoric fit. You race to the bathroom and start to dance and scream and shout. I take off your clothes and in you went. The first thing you do was to catch hold of your favourite mug and start to fill it with water which you then pour on your toys. To lather you I ask you to stand up and gleefully you got up and start to chuck water on my arms and face. You got away with these antics only because I have not seen you for the entire day and have missed you terribly. After you are “soaped” I sit next to you and read to you “Anne Frank : Dairy of a young girl”. Each day I read you one dairy entry which of course you ignore but at the moment this is the only thing I will read to you. I can bear you insisting on listenning to your music in the car, I can bear you insisting on putting the Baby Genius DVD when you have your meals but I will not compromise on reading until you ask me to read to you something else. After 10 minutes or so I pull you out of the tub (not without a struggle) and take you to your room. I select your clothes and proceed to apply body lotion on you. All this while you and I are having a singing competition (ranging from “Happy Birthday To You” to which you reply “Happeeee Babeeee” to “A, B, C D….” to which you reply “B. B. B. B….”) or generally laughing at each other. This is quite rare because you are usually in a bad mood when we remove you from the bath tub.

We had our first conversation today!!! Your mom called me and as usual you insisted on taking the phone from her but this time instead of disconnecting me right away, you started to talk to me!!! It was the best conversation I have had on the phone…ever. I really needed something to cheer me up as I was having a bad time in the office and you voice and your long statements – mmgfkjkamhirenpnksdf – were exactly what I needed. I kept egging you on “and then what happened?” “khiowebjudsafbjhkndsfjnk”. “Really? What did you do then?” “iuhjewrhhjbsfglkasdfhjopsdfjk”. It went on for a minute or a minute and a half. And then your giggle. It never fails to bring a smile to my face!!

Dad.

Things happening in the world

• Elections in Iraq and the response was overwhelming. Iraqis can out in droves despite having been warned by terrorists not to do so. It was an amazing sight on the TV and newspapers
• Because of the elections in Iraq, Bush and his croonies (and all the conservatives) cannot stop themselves from gloating
• Same-sex bill Is being discussed in the parliament. Hope it gets through.

Terrible, terrible disaster struck India, Sri Lanka, Malayasia, Thailand last week (a day after christmas). The Tsunami struck the eastern parts of India and Sri Lanka and western parts of Malayasia and Thisland. The personal tales that have been told in the newspapers have been harrowing. A mom making a choice between children, a son leaving his ailing mother on the bed, a father who is helpless when hearing his child cry out for help. It’s a terrible, terrible disaster. It was mother nature telling mankind why we are so puny and of little concern to her. The images and the amateur videos that we have seen in the past few days were horrific. Here I am surrounded by my family, friends and all the amenities I could ask for while half a world away a child is fighting for a bottle of water. I hope to god that you are always spared from such disasters. It’s more than anyone could bear.

On a lighter note, the new year is here. May your life be filled with happiness and love. Do you know what was the first thing you did as the clock turned to 12:00am? You pushed me away as I tried to give you a hug and a kiss!!!

Dad.

Yesterday you fell down the stairs!!! We are not sure how many steps but it couldn’t have been more than 4. We were in the kitchen preparing for dinner and we could hear you climb and and down the steps to the basement. Then after a little while we heard you play with your toys. As we were almost done we didn’t pay much attention to the fact that you had again started to climb the steps (your mom or me always watch you climb as you are a little wobbly in that area). Then it happened. BOOOM. We ran down and saw you lying at the bottom of the stairs crying your heart out (did I mention that you have a peculiar way of crying? More on that later.) Your mom reached you first, picked you up and started to cry as well. I noticed that you had a bump under your right eye. I ran my hands all over you (your arms, legs, head etc.) to make sure that you had no other injuries. Poor you…how you cried!! It must have really hurt. I and your mom have promised each other to always look out for you until you are stable on the stairs. Sorry baby….

Dad.

The trip to US to visit Ginni, Vandana and Naina was quite fun. We met your cousin who is quite a cute little girl. The best thing was that you totally loved her!!! Whenever someone was holding Naina, you would run to her shouting BABEEEE and then hug her. It was adorable. The only concern was whenever you said BABEEEE, you would point to her and bring your finger a centimetre away from her eyes!!!

You also were totally in love with Ace (Ginni’s German Shepherd). You would touch him, claw at him and try to pull his tail. You just weren’t scared of the dog at all. He did growl at you a couple of times but Ginni set him straight. After that whenever he saw you, he would run away which thrilled you even more.

You are becoming quite a handful these days. the worst thing is that you have started to eat less and less. I hope this is just a phase. The other thing is that you really need constant attention. We do give you are undivided attention but there are times when we need to be doing other things. In those times you really drive us up the wall. Your mom is convinced that you are going to be are one and only child at such times!!!

Dad.

Things that have happened today :-

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1) Bush has won the election. The political battle was really brutal.

2) My mausiji and cousin (Saumya) are scheduled to arrive tomorrow for their landing. It should be fun.

3) Your mom did not get good marks in her dental exams. She is going to try again in May and if she does not clear it again, we are toying with the idea of moving to the US.

4) Green Day’s new album “American Idiot” is awesome. That’s all I listen to nowadays.

Day by day you are becoming more and more cute. The way you walk, the way you talk, the way are learning new things. The best moment in the day for me is when I come home in the evening. I call out your name and you respond with a HUUUUUGGE smile and run to me with your arms raised asking me to pick you up. It just melts my heart. I think I am going to be the one who has a real problem when you grow more independent and you don’t need me anymore. Anyway, I’ll cross that hurdle when I come to it.

Your nana and nani are leaving for Bahrain today. They were a lot of help for Charu’s exam and I don’t think we can repay them back in anyway. You had really taken to your nani but had trouble dealing with nana. I hope you get to meet your dada and dadi soon. They must be just dying to see you. Your dadi has seen you but you were just 10 days old so that doesn’t really count. Your dada has never seen you and I am sure that it must be hurting him.

My masi’s husband (my mausaji) has come to Canada. I hope that they are able to settle down here fast as I would love to have my side of the family here. I am going to be applying for your dada and dadi’s immigration so hopefully they will be able to see you in a year or so.

We are all going to America in another couple of weeks to see Naina. It should be fun. The trip but definitely not the ride. I don’t know how you will react in the 10 hour trip to the US.

Dad.

The way you climb the stairs is amazing!! You are almost as fast as us. And it took you just a day to learn to climb them. You have been able to climb only one step and then you stop not knowing what to do. When I showed you how you could bend your leg and continue climbing…..you just took off!!! Your mom was pleasently shocked.

Another one of your favourite things to do is to slide down the slide in our basement. You cannot stop giggling as soon as you land. The problem is that my heart is always in my mouth when you negotiate the steps on the slide especially when you are carrying a toy in one and using the other to climb up.

Another thing that you have started to do is to watch hindi movies avidly. We get no reaction from you when we put on an english movie, some reaction when we put on songs but you stop everything when we put on a hindi movie!! The other day I had on A Hard Day’s Night (the Beatles first moive) and on each song you and I had a great time. With me singing (or, rather, trying to sing) and you dancing with me!!

Things that happened in the world

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1) Terrorists took almost 400 children hostage in Russia. The crisis ended but not without quite a few children dying.

2) George Bush is chosen as Republican nominee for the 2004 presidential election in the US

3) Your mom is studying quite hard for her exam on the 25th sep. 2004.

4) My golf swing still sucks.

Rhea,

So far your entry to our life has been momentous. I cannot imagine my life without you now. There are times when we (especially me!!) really loose our cool. But your smile makes it all worth it. Your tantrums, your waking up at all odd hours, your constant refusal to eat heartily, your insistance on not being strapped in the car seat, the way you catch hold of the spoon filled with your food that you then splatter all over yourself, us and the floor……all of this balanced by one smile!!

That does not mean that we don’t come across a time when we ask ourselves “what the hell have we got ourselves into?” It’s a common reaction to your above deeds. Like these days you have begun hitting us!! I sincerely hope that this is a passing phase. We try and control ourselves but when you do hits us (smack, on the face sometimes!!) we yell at you stop it. Of course, you sometimes redeem yourself but trying to kiss us immediately after hitting us but, Rhea, I hope you do not become one of those kids that lash out everytime they are angry. And boy, do you get angry. I think you have taken the temper from me and Charu combined!! Which on the face of it is really scary.

The latest is that you have started to take you first concrete steps!! You moved from the TV (I swear, I don’t know what pleasure you find in banging away at the TV) to your doll house about 4 feet away. It does not seem like a lot but to me you looked utterly cute. You were walking like Frankenstein. I could not stop laughing and you could not stop giggling at me. I loved you more at that moment.

You are an extremely active baby. I love that about you. I also like the fact that you are lost in your own world if you find something interesting to do. Like the other day we were at Monica and Bunty’s place (their daughter Reet is about an year older than you). They were having a kirtan (a religious gathering for blessing the new home that they had just moved into). Everybody was staring

solemnly, trying to sing along with the religous songs. And do you know what you were doing? You were DANCING!!! Everyone was laughing at trying to be serious at the same time.

Well more later.

Love.

Your dad.